Out of the Mouths of Apostles

-L- recently posted on Northern Lights about Elder Boyd K. Packer's controversial statement regarding feminists, gays, and "so-called intellectuals." This sparked some conversation about the notorious 1976 conference talk (eventually published as the pamphlet For Young Men Only), which RealNeal quoted:

"There are some men who entice young men to join them in these immoral acts. If you are ever approached to participate in anything like that, it is time to vigorously resist."

“I hit my companion….I floored him”

“Oh, is that all? Well, thanks. Somebody had to do it, and it wouldn’t be well for a General Authority to solve the problem that way.”

“I am not recommending that course to you, but I am not omitting it. You must protect yourself.”

While I respect -L-'s position that we always have a choice about how we receive and interpret statements made by Church leaders, here's how I, as an LDS youth took this...

As a boy I idolized Elder Packer. He was (and is) a great orator. I admired his forthright, down-to-earth style. I was moved by his stories and metaphors. Most importantly, as an LDS youth growing up in an affluent, worldly suburb of Rochester, New York, I was inspired by the focus of so much of his teaching on what it meant as a Latter-day Saint to live "in the world but not of it."

I took this particular talk deeply to heart. In my High School Health Class, we had a teacher who liked to teach by sharing stories or scenarios which members of the class were then invited to comment on. One of the stories he shared involved a couple of young men going to a gay bar, where they identified potential victims and then later assaulted them. I raised my hand, took a deep breath, and then said, "If it helped teach them the error of their ways, I think it was a good thing." Then, as now, I abhorred violence, and rationally this seemed like an extreme position. But I specifically remembered that talk by Boyd K. Packer, and in my teenage mind, the logic of that talk compelled me to take such an extreme position. My own doctrinal innovation, I guess, was that it was for the faggots' own good.

Members of my health class were appalled. One by one they raised their hands and wanted to debate me, but I held my ground. Later, after class, I was approached by a boy who had remained silent throughout the debate. This was a guy I had never particularly liked, because he was a bully. He told me how much he admired me for taking the position that I did and defending it, even though it was unpopular. "I believe everything you said," he told me, "but I wouldn't have the courage to say it." I actually felt a bit sick to my stomach about that; I had a sort of "What have I done?" feeling.

It's still painful for me to reflect on that experience. I've wondered what relation this might have had to my later suicidal intentions as a junior at BYU. If I truly believed that violence against homosexuals was justified, was it a leap to direct that violence inwardly, toward myself?

-L- is right. As an adult, I have the power to reason, to question, and to think for myself. And I may take what Church leaders teach to a positive or a negative place. But how much independent thought is a young teenage boy capable of, especially one who idolizes the speaker whose thoughts he is supposed to be evaluating? And when we live in a culture where violence against gays is an all-too-pervasive reality (both my partner and I have been victims of it), what responsibility does a Church leader describing an incident of anti-gay violence have to provide context and explain exactly what he means by self-defense?

I have a testimony in relation to the leaders of the Church. It has been reinforced in numerous ways, through personal prayer and private spiritual experiences as well as through my renewed attendance at conference, where once again I am learning powerful lessons from Church leaders -- including Elder Packer. This story is not proof to me of a "fallen apostle" or a "fallen church." It's not my intention to add my voice here to the chorus of Elder Packer's critics, because I have learned so many positive things from him. In a sense, much of the moral courage I have learned over the years is attributable to the teaching I received from him. I do see this story, perhaps, as an illustration of the kinds of human shortsightedness we're all subject to, and of the responsibilities leaders and teachers in the Church have to those who are led and taught.