Why Am I Gay?

Why does this question matter?

Do straight people ask themselves, Why am I straight?

What if I get to decide if this question is important, and if so, why it's important?

Because when other people ask this question, it typically has something to do with rationalizing...

Why they think I need to go through some sort of therapy.

Why they think it's OK to exclude me from their church.

Why they think there should be laws on the books that make my relationship with my partner illegal.

Why they think my partner and I shouldn't be allowed to marry, or adopt, or raise children.

Their favorite answers to the Why am I gay? question are things like:

I chose to be gay because I hate God and want to rebel against him.

I'm sick and I need to be cured. Though my failure to be cured is usually my fault because I didn't try hard enough.

I was brainwashed by the gay rights movement to think I'm gay when I'm really not, I'm just confused.

This is a test. God is testing me to see if I can endure loneliness until I'm dead.

The answers usually don't have anything to do with any of the real facts on the ground.

The only answer that really makes much sense to me, based on the data is that I was more or less born this way. I don't ever remember not being gay. I only ever really remember becoming aware that what I was, was not what people expected me to be. I know that what I am enables me to love and to receive love from an incredible man, and to have a relationship which has become one of the greatest sources of true joy in my life.

But why, why?

When I put the question to God, the only answer I get back is Love. Love, love. God loves me unconditionally and is proud of me, and wants me to do the best I can in life. The family I am building is a very, very good thing, something I need to nurture with that sacred gift of love. My family is a sacred trust. My whole life is a sacred trust. The greatest sin would be to turn away from love, to forsake those trusts, to do anything less than to love with my whole heart.

Is not this gift of intimacy a nurturing, good gift? When we are able to experience it, do we not feel more whole?

We could ask, Why did God give us this gift?

It seems like a self-answering question. The answer, I think, is because we must all be interconnected. Because humanity is not just an aggregate of lonely selves. Humanity is a family, every member connected to all the others through the links we forge with each other. Göran links me to his family and I link him to mine, and the nurture we provide Glen will some day link us to others that he cares for. Humanity is this. We are made to be more than just our lonely selves.

Which is why it can feel like we are dying inside not to at least be able to try to connect ourselves intimately. Why that hunger for intimacy can drive us mad if we are forced to deny it.

I don't know all the whys, but I know that this gift is very, very good. And I know that we owe it to each other to honor that gift by helping and caring for each other.