Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Love Only Gets Bigger

I once wondered... The Spirit has invited me to enter into the path of Christ, of walking in his footsteps. If I accept, I wondered, what will happen to my love for my same-sex partner?

You can't enter that path without letting go all expectations. Without saying, Lord, let come whatever may, I must follow you. So, with fear and trembling, I entered that path.

I am still in that path, so I still can't allow myself any worldly expectations, though maybe Christian Hope.

But my love for my partner keeps growing. It has grown beyond what I ever expected I might feel for him. I fight for him. I would be willing to die for him. I will not leave him behind. Whatever he must face, I will face with him.

In the presence of God, Love only gets bigger.

4 comments:

GeckoMan said...

And being in your presence, the love only gets bigger as well.

John, thank you for your words, they lift me up, illuminate my belief in humanity and the true and living God.

I love you, like a brother dear. And I will seek God's presence to be so open with all who intersect my path.

J G-W said...

Geckoman - Thank you so much. I admire your steadiness, as a human being and in your marriage alike. And I am truly grateful for your friendship.

One of the things I have been puzzling about for a long time is a seeming paradox I have discovered. True love consists in letting go. I think the true basis of the relationship my partner and I share must be each of us turning to and becoming grounded in God, the true source of our being. The moment we cling to the other, the moment we prefer the other to God, the relationship begins to fail. The moment we let the other go, and put the relationship in God's hands, love begins to flourish. Is it just me, or have others discovered this in their relationships?

For me, being in a same-sex relationship and struggling to come to terms with my faith as a Latter-day Saint, this letting go had to be a literal letting go. I truly had to be open to the possibility that the relationship must end. As I said, to my astonishment the result was not an end but a flourishing of the relationship. I received a very strong sense from the Spirit that my Heavenly Father was very proud of me being willing to give this up, but that it was not appropriate for me to do so.

playasinmar said...

I wonder if anyone will stumble across this post by googling "big love."

J G-W said...

Playa - I hadn't thought of that.

Lest anyone be confused on this point, I am not interested in taking on additional husbands. One is quite enough.