At the time that the Spirit spoke to me in August 2005 at the Salt Lake Sunstone Symposium, inviting me to "come home" to the LDS Church, if anyone had asked me what I thought of myself, I think I would have said something like this:
I'm a good guy. I'm blessed. I have a decent job, a beautiful home, a loving partner, two cats. I have lots of great and interesting friends, an accepting church community. I'm reconciled with my parents. I'm healthy and I enjoy all the good things of life. And I'm a decent, compassionate, moral person.
Why would I want to rock the boat? Why would I want to mess all of that up? Those are the questions friends asked me, as I began to make moves toward reconciling myself with the LDS Church. I still sometimes ask those questions of myself.
The answer is Peace.
There is a peace that passes all understanding. If we can find it, if we can let it permeate us, and if we can listen to it, it will teach us what in our lives needs to be reoriented in order to allow the peace to grow in us and through us to others, and from the others we touch to the whole world.
With the hindsight of almost two years looking back to that life-changing moment, I understand much more about who I was then, who I am now, and who I am becoming. I understand that my journey back to the LDS Church has made me a kinder, more patient, more loving, more compassionate person. It has made me a more virtuous and moral person. It has made me a better, more faithful, more loving partner. It has brought more peace and joy into my life than I am capable of receiving.
I realize now that at that moment in my life, I was an angry person. I was weary. I was alienated. I was afraid. Aspects of myself were fragmented. And like an injured animal, I was afraid of the One who could treat the injury and heal it.
There are aspects of this continuing journey that sometimes feel insane, that make me want to run. But every day there is more peace in my life, and every step of the journey has brought me greater joy. I don't want to lose that. I am coming home.
When you are finally done being weary, listen to the Spirit. Let the peace fill your soul. Come to Him. Let Him heal you.
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1 comment:
Kudos on your efforts with the church of your tradition! May you continue to receive guidance and wisdom of the Holy Spirit as you work to expand our human hearts!
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