"Are Boys More Important Than Girls?"

I just finished reading this thought-provoking article by Margaret Toscano in the latest issue of Sunstone magazine. Toscano begins with the real-life story of an eight-year-old boy who, after watching his father and older brother go off to priesthood meeting together, asks his mother, "Are boys more important than girls?" Toscano first discusses scriptural texts that affirm the absolute equality of male and female, and recent pronouncements of LDS Church leaders such as President Gordon B. Hinckley to the effect that men and women are equal even if they play complimentary roles in the home and in society. She then contrasts these ideals with a church authority structure in which all the power is vested in men, a conception of family in which women are subservient, and a theology in which only male divinities are ever spoken of. This, she argues, can only have a destructive impact on the psyches of both men and women in the Church, and she ends with a plea to reconsider our ways, to think of the impact this has on our mothers, sisters, and daughters, and then to repent.

The most interesting segment of the article, to me, discusses the question of how we evaluate "equality," especially in situations, such as the situation of men and women (or, I might add, gay folks and heterosexuals), where biology makes us inherently different. Do we evaluate equality in terms of opportunity? Or do we evaluate it in terms of end results? If a person "feels" equal, does that make her equal? Toscano cited a recent survey of Mormon women in which 70% expressed contentment with their lot in life and stated that they did not feel unequal to men in the Church. She then admitted that it is quite possible that the survey, because of certain biases in terms of how it was conducted may actually have underestimated the level of general contentment and sense of equality among Mormon women. She then goes on to argue, however, that the fact that a majority of Mormon women are happy with their roles does not mitigate the destructive impact on their psyches of constantly being reminded that they are not worthy of leadership.

I could not help, in reading this article, but reflect on my own position and status vis-a-vis the Church. As an excommunicated, gay man in a relationship with another man, I am in terms of outward position, privilege, and status, in fact far inferior to women in the Church. Not only may I not hold the priesthood or any position of authority in the church, I may not hold any calling at all, I may not attend the temple or partake of the sacrament, I may not even speak in Sacrament Meeting or pray in meetings. And I am barred from all these privileges not because I hate the Church. I love it with my whole heart. Not because I don't have a testimony. I have a testimony that is so strong at times it hurts. I am barred from these privileges because of whom I love.

And yet, every Sunday, I go to Church and attend all the meetings. I do not miss it if I can at all help it. I actually feel deprived if some contingency prevents me! I gladly live as many of the commandments as I am able, given my circumstances. I cherish the scriptures and read them every day. I remember the day the new quadruple combination I ordered from Deseret Books arrived in the mail. I had not owned a complete set of LDS scriptures in almost twenty years. And I wept tears of joy when I opened the package and saw it. I love our prophets and leaders, and attend as much of General Conference as I am able. If I cannot bear testimony in Sacrament Meeting, I still share my testimony with others one-on-one, member and non-menber, both in word and deed. And I utterly cherish every connection and every friendship I have found among the Saints.

People frequently ask me, "Are you crazy?" OK, well, not exactly those words, but the sentiment is always there. You'd have to be crazy to want to have anything to do with a community that doesn't even regard you as a second class citizen. A disfranchised citizen. An ex-citizen. A sinner of the worst sort. Why do I do it?

And the reason is, because whenever I am in the Mormon Church, I feel the Spirit so powerfully. When I sit in Sacrament meeting, I never sit alone. The Spirit sits beside me. When I listen to the Sunday School or the Priesthood lessons -- doesn't matter what they are about! -- the Spirit whispers in my ear and teaches me astonishing things. And when I feel down and when I feel I must be less than equal, the Spirit reminds me that I am no one's inferior. So when I walk down the halls, when I shake hands with people, I hold my head up, and the Spirit reminds me this is where I belong. I am doing just what my Heavenly Parents want, and they are proud of me. And when someone says something stupid or homophobic, or suggests that I am doomed to some lesser realm of existence in the next life, the Spirit is there to affirm that they do not know my fate. Just trust, the Spirit promises, just love, just be honest and good and true, just be humble, just be patient, just wait and serve, and there will be no glory greater in the next life than the one reserved for you.

Toscano's article reminded me that visible and outward things are only half the picture, to those of us who have the companionship of the Spirit. I have always loved the women of the Church who surrounded me growing up, and I love the women I see there every Sunday in the Lake Nokomis Ward. They are strong and good hearted and compassionate. And when I see them get up in Sacrament meeting to pray or speak, or when I see them teaching the Gospel Essentials class I attend, I don't see the least hint of lack of confidence or inferiority. I hear women who get up every Sunday and talk about how their faith has made them strong, how it has made them the equal of every challenge and trial they must face in life. They know who they are and they have a right to be proud. And I know that if the Spirit speaks to my heart and tells me I am no one's inferior, surely the Spirit tells them the same thing in manifold ways. And so it does not surprise me in the least that the good women of the Church in large majorities, when asked if they are content with their role, if they feel unequal to men, respond confidently that they are content and they do feel equal. To me, this is a sign that the Spirit is alive and well and powerful among the Latter-day Saints.

I have been a Mormon feminist, well, since the time I was still a member of the LDS Church. At BYU I wrote a paper examining Mormon attitudes toward birth control. I did an oral history of my mother, because of my conviction that the lives and the stories of Mormon women should be recorded and preserved. I have always been fascinated by the women in my family, including the women ancestors who were second and third wives and who struggled and managed with varying degress of success during the time when "the Principle" was practiced. Women have been role-models to me, both in and out of the Church. And my response to Sister Toscano would be that, after reading all she has to say, I must conclude that the most compelling reason of all why any Mormon should be a feminist is because even if a minorty of women are harmed by sexist attitudes it is something none of us should tolerate. It breaks my heart to think that any Mormon boy -- or far worse, any Mormon girl -- might feel moved to ask the question, "Are boys more important than girls?"

I honestly and truly believe that whatever lip service we pay to equality and complimentarity in the Church here below, what we say and what we believe pales in comparison with the true equality, complimentarity and power of women and men in the invisible world, the real world beyond this bubble of time and space. And if we are true followers of Christ and children of God, we must not, we cannot be content to let equality wait until the next world. Like Christ, every day we should pray, "On earth as it is in Heaven."

And yet, whatever compels us to bear witness to this hope that God's love and justice will eventually bear rule down here on earth, I find it helpful to remember that when we are tempted to become discouraged or to feel inferior, as a person of faith, it is the invisible on which my mind and heart are fixed.