A member of my ward, Rulon Stacey, was called and sustained at General Conference as a new member of the Quorum of the Seventy. This past Sunday, he attended Church with us at his home ward. He sat on the stand with the bishopric and presided at the meeting.
It was a pretty normal sacrament meeting. The president of the elder's quorum and his wife gave very moving talks on baptism and the baptismal covenants. Then our bishop stood up to bear his testimony. Then Sister Stacey came to the stand and bore her testimony. Then Elder Stacey stood up and bore his testimony.
The things shared were very personal and very poignant. It felt sacred to me, nothing I would share here on my blog. I felt honored to be in that space at that time to hear him share with us some very intimate feelings and experiences Elder Stacey and his wife shared in relation to his call. It felt very much like we, the members of his ward, had been included in their family circle. The Spirit was very present. Some members of my ward were weeping.
I have felt deeply moved since then. That whole day I felt very reflective. My mind kept going back to church and, particularly, to sacrament meeting. I woke up this morning still reflecting on it.
I understand now that the Spirit was so present there that morning to remind us that the bonds of covenant that produced the Church are sacred, that priesthood is real, and that the One whom holders of the priesthood represent lives and is real.
I'm in a difficult space in relation to the Church. Reflecting on the sacredness and the power of that meeting, and of the testimony it gave me of the Church was particularly poignant for me. At some point the weight of it bore down on me, and I cried out in prayer. And the Lord spoke to me. And last night I had a rather peculiar dream which I think was directly related to my internal wrestling.
And here's, bottom line, what I know about the oddity of my situation: The Lord loves me and is pleased with me, and is pleased with the patience I've shown in very difficult circumstances. And there's nothing I need to be ashamed of and nothing I need to worry about, and all will be resolved in due time. I just need to continue to trust in the Lord, to live the Gospel to the best of my ability, and to stay close to the Church.
I think it must be almost impossible to be gay and active in the Church without some special support from God. I think if you don't have that, it's OK to distance yourselves. But believe that the Lord is at work on our behalves, preparing a place for us in the Father's mansion.