Thursday, December 6, 2007

It's a Boy!

Monday I got an email from our social worker. There's a boy who needs a home, and for a variety of reasons, she felt Göran and I would be perfect for him.

I read the email. I called Göran and read the email to him over the phone. I called the social worker and we discussed the placement some more. Göran and I talked more and agreed, he was perfect. We are so excited. We hope that we can be "perfect" for him, and that we can provide the kind of supportive, nurturing environment he needs right now.

We're meeting him on Monday for the first time. Then, if he feels comfortable with us after the initial meeting, he has a pre-placement weekend visit. Then if everyone is still comfortable with the arrangement after that, he moves in. It's not a done deal yet. A lot will depend on how he feels about us.

I will not be sharing any details about any of our foster kids on my blog; I want to respect their privacy. But I have wanted to share my feelings, and the aspects of foster parenting that relate to my own spiritual journey, which is really the topic of this blog.

Peter has been reflecting on the role of gay people in eternity, and I've found his speculations fascinating. Personally I imagine it to be something like this. We can be healers with special gifts for those who need special healing, gatherers of those who've been lost, guardian angels watching over those in special or difficult times of transition.

I don't know how to describe this other than that I've felt this kind of creeping elation. Just this growing lightness of spirit, this sense of delight, this profound happiness. I think of him, and I break into a smile. The more I think about it, and the more I think about him, the more I feel a kind of delight and gratitude. I feel this is the best thing Göran and I have ever done in our lives. I'm not sure there's anything else that can compare to this. I don't know him yet, I just know about him. But I truly love him. I so want all of the good things of life for him. I know this won't be easy; I expect it to be heartbreaking at times; I expect there to be struggle. And he's not ours, he'll never be "ours," except for a time. But a very, very important time. And I hope and pray that this time can be a total gift to him, that it can always be something he will look back on and find strength that will sustain him for the rest of the journey. I hope he will know how much good we want for him, how deserving he is of all life's best gifts, how utterly important he is, how infinitely valuable.

17 comments:

Mr. Fob said...

What great news! I hope everything works out and that it proves to be a good experience for you two and for the boy.

MoHoHawaii said...

Congratulations! I can't imagine more loving foster parents.

(This is something Tobi and I have talked about doing in the future. I'll be interested in hearing what your experience is as a foster parent.)

Beck said...

I was wondering how this chapter in your life was developing. What an exciting opportunity to grow and to stretch and to learn - and to share your amazing capacity to LOVE!

Abelard Enigma said...

Congratulations! I hope everything works out for all of you.

Scot said...

That’s great news. Congratulation from yours truly as well.

I don't know him yet, I just know about him. But I truly love him.

Funny how that happens. Parents bond, even before there is a child in their care. I’m sure you two will be a blessing in this child’s life.

playasinmar said...

Good luck! Hope he's a vegan... :)

J G-W said...

Mohohawaii - I'll definitely keep you posted about how it goes. We've already learned a lot, but the learning curve gets pretty steep starting pretty soon.

Playa - We're vegetarians, not vegans. But Göran and I have already discussed this... We may have to make certain lifestyle sacrifices in order to be good parents (and prepare meals that our foster kid will actually eat).

Eleanor's (and X)'s Papa said...

Congrats! When we started the adoption process for Eleanor three years ago we took all the classes for foster certification, so we know what's involved, and have immense respect for folks that make that huge commitment.

We are also expecting a boy in two weeks (although ours will be brand new, not vintage). Hopefully yours will sleep through the night....

Holly said...

Congratulations--I'm glad you've had such wonderful news to balance out the very bad. Let's hope the news stays good from now on.

Abelard Enigma said...

We're vegetarians, not vegans

ooo, playa touched a nerve.

We may have to make certain lifestyle sacrifices

I don't think it is bad parenting if you don't feed your kids McDonalds hamburgers.

One of the purposes of parenting is to teach your children moral values. If a vegetarian lifestyle is a moral value for you and Göran then that is what you should teach to your son.

On the other hand, I don't recall if you mentioned his age; but, assuming he is a bit older and already established in his food likes and dislikes, the other bit of advice I have is to "choose your battles carefully". Trying to impose a vegetarian lifestyle onto an established carnivore may not be a battle worth fighting, at least initially. You may need to ease him into it, and he may never fully embrace it.

There, how's that for a couple bits of conflicting advice? Welcome to parenting!

J G-W said...

Holly, thanks so much, and thanks for the well wishes. Yes, let's hope and pray so.

Abe - Thanks for the contradictory parenting tips. It's OK. Life is best when you can embrace Yin and Yang at the same time.

Actually your advice sounds wise indeed. Yes, good, healthy diet is a strong value around our house, so we will certainly try to promote that value, whether it ends up including meat or not.

yusahana6323 said...

Congrats! I (Hannah) am excited for you two. :) I hope it works out well and I'm looking forward to the possibility of a new cousin!

J G-W said...

Hey, Hannah!!! You get a prize for being the first niece to comment on my blog! Wow, that's so cool!

GeckoMan said...

John,
Heartfelt congratulations! Home for the Holidays? That would be nice. But more than that, I hope all goes well towards that evolving goal of mutual love and understanding.

Parallel Mormon said...

Young Stranger:

You have a lot of love to give, and you're very tender. You'll make a great dad. I'm happy for you.

J G-W said...

Parallel Mormon - I don't think you've commented on my blog before. Welcome! Thanks for the well wishes.

I hope I can get to know you better... On other blogs, you've shared some pieces of your story that really moved me.

Chris said...

Wonderful! Congratulations!