tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post6166819786075018282..comments2023-12-31T05:01:58.031-06:00Comments on Young Stranger: My Forever FamilyJohn Gustav-Wrathallhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03557940681381951271noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post-82672150586051250802010-07-20T05:38:29.143-05:002010-07-20T05:38:29.143-05:00Beautiful post on the love you have in your family...Beautiful post on the love you have in your family. Thanks for sharing.Mister Curiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00113134172902610883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post-39834075743731272472010-07-19T11:28:43.118-05:002010-07-19T11:28:43.118-05:00Thanks, Sara! We hope to go back within 1 or 2 ye...Thanks, Sara! We hope to go back within 1 or 2 years at most. I really cherish these relationships!<br /><br />MHH and Beck - Thanks! I recognize the excellent advice of two who have been there... We'll get through somehow. I wish adoption were an option, but our foster son is not legally up for adoption. This has just been a very long term placement! (3 years so far, with the possibility of extending foster care for another 3!)<br /><br />Under the circumstances, we must find other ways to reassure Glen of our constant love and support for him. Among those have been extended family relationships that WILL indeed continue on vacations and at family reunions. We'll find a way through...!John Gustav-Wrathallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03557940681381951271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post-18496434110538489622010-07-19T10:09:23.519-05:002010-07-19T10:09:23.519-05:00Fantastic advice from MOHOH! He's spot on!
I...Fantastic advice from MOHOH! He's spot on!<br /><br />I would add that you've got to let him go. Helicopter parents are those who will not let their college freshmen get scraped and bruised through the process. Both my daughter and son had horrible first year experiences at college, but they learned from those experiences and grew. We, as parents, had to let them stumble and fall a bit, or get banged around. <br /><br />That said, always being there and consistently being available to them and helping them to know that you are always there to love, support and help, is vital. <br /><br />What a great challenge and opportunity of growth for you and Goran as well. <br /><br />As for adoption after 18 years of age, we have friends who are wanting to do this with their foster son who is now 24 and serving in Iraq. It's symbolic but they all want to do it just the same... kind of making it a "forever family".Beckhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06159223254071653666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post-13912369902776265172010-07-18T13:09:07.188-05:002010-07-18T13:09:07.188-05:00What a beautiful post! Thank you.
From experience...What a beautiful post! Thank you.<br /><br />From experience with my own children and from talking with a lot of other parents, I can tell you that the freshman year of college is the single most stressful year in the parent/child relationship from the parents' point of view. I think it is a unique point in adolescent development. The joke among parents is that adolescence is a process where you gradually lose your kids by age 18 to 20, but you get them back at age 25.<br /><br />So it's possible that you are seeing (and will see over the next two years) the interaction of two effects, the natural self-absorption of an 18 to 20 year old adolescent, and the test of an adoptive relationship. The problem is that the years 18 to 20 are the ones where a young person normally has the least connection to their parents and the strongest connection to their peers in their entire life. I can't tell you the number of parents who feel utterly abandoned by their children at 18 to 20. (It's a temporary condition; the kids do come back by age 23 to 25.) This happened to me, too. Never underestimate the self-absorption of an 18 year old! :- )<br /><br />I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't expect your son's emotional development at age 18 to 20 to be what it will be at 25. There are significant developmental changes (based on the biological maturation of the brain) from 18 to 25.<br /><br />I don't know how the natural urge to separate might interact with insecurities about a foster/adoptive relationship. You might find that he pulls away from you (as his peers will be doing with their parents). Maybe he won't because of his insecurity about the relationship he has with you.<br /><br />Is formal adoption an option? I believe 2nd parent (i.e., gay) adoption is legal in your state. At age 18 it is mostly symbolic, but what a symbol! I guess this also depends on your son's relationship with his family of origin.<br /><br />With my own children, I called them on the phone weekly on a regular schedule. Even if we didn't talk for long, it was something they could rely upon. You'd be surprised what a box of cookies sent by mail can do.<br /><br />I think the next two years are an opportunity for you to demonstrate the durability of your commitment to Glen as parents. Your constancy will not go unnoticed. If you make sure to plan holidays well in advance, he won't worry that he'll be left out. (And don't take it personally if he seems to be more interested in his friends at school than in you. I promise it's only a developmental phase.)<br /><br />Are there cousins of approximately the same age as Glen? Can they keep up with him? Can your parents write, send e-mail or care packages, etc.? This is something the extended family can participate in.<br /><br />Best of luck, and congratulations.MoHoHawaiihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15086670779804942122noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2018387523779914474.post-74711527856014458912010-07-18T12:02:26.380-05:002010-07-18T12:02:26.380-05:00Hopefully money and time will let you all make a y...Hopefully money and time will let you all make a yearly summer trip out of this - a good break from college and work! We used to go visit my mom's family every summer and it was really important to us, and made for great memories. Since then they all moved closer, so that's great too. It is so important, all of what you said.sarahttp://sarainisrael.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.com